Understanding the Influence of Hormones on Behavior in Relationships: A Guide for Couples

In this video, the host discusses the influence of hormones on behavior in relationships. She advises the viewer to understand their partner’s menstrual cycle and how it affects their moods and actions. She explains that during the first two days of the cycle, women may need space, while from day three to ovulation, they may feel more outgoing and desire connection. Conflicts should be resolved between day two and day 12. Ovulation is the peak of estrogen and libido, so it’s a good time for intimacy. After ovulation, there may be a hormone crash, leading to potential personality changes. The viewer is encouraged to be extra caring and understanding during this time. The importance of empathy and communication about hormonal fluctuations is emphasized.

Author Icon

Our Summaries are written by our own AI Infrastructure, to save you time on your Health Journey!

How does this happen?

Key Insights:

  • Understanding your partner’s menstrual cycle can help you navigate their behavior influenced by hormones.
  • Women’s menstrual cycles can range from 28 to 32 days, with the period lasting anywhere from 3 to 7 days.
  • Between day 2 and 12 of her cycle, a woman’s estrogen levels increase, making her more verbal and outgoing.
  • Ovulation usually occurs between day 10 and 15, when a woman’s libido is highest.
  • After ovulation, hormone levels can crash, which may lead to changes in mood.
  • Paying attention to your partner’s cycle can help you provide support and care at the right times.
  • Using menstrual cycle tracking apps, like The Clue app, can help track and share cycle information.
  • Understanding the menstrual cycle can create empathy and improve communication in a relationship.
  • Men’s hormone levels are generally more stable, with fluctuations occurring every 15 minutes.
  • Men should communicate and adjust their behavior based on their partner’s hormone fluctuations, specifically during the week before their period.
  • During ovulation, women’s verbal skills are enhanced due to increased estrogen levels.
  • Ovulation is an ideal time for starting new projects and unleashing creativity.
  • Openly discussing hormonal moods and needs with your partner can enhance understanding and support.


I need some advice then because I’m in a relationship and I want to understand, I guess this goes both ways. I want my girlfriend to understand how hormones are influencing my behavior, and I want to know how hormones are influencing her behavior. Yeah, what advice have you got for me? Well, the first is, do you know her cycle? Moving on, we’re going to talk about sugar again. No, no, no, this is too good. So sugar, it’s really bad, isn’t it? Who’s to blame? No, seriously, tell me about your childhood. No, just her cycle. I’m going to give you gold, okay? So day one of her cycle, day one to day 10, she’s building estrogen. The first couple of days of her cycle, just let her be. Like, she’s transitioning out of the back half of her cycle. She might be having some heavier bleeding. You know, she’s moving into that extroverted place. So the first two days, give her some space. Now, day three, estrogen’s starting to build. So you’re going to notice she’s more verbal. She’s going to be more present. She might feel more outgoing. She’s going to feel like she wants to connect with you. That’s going to go all the way through ovulation, like in the middle of ovulation, which is about day 12, day 13, where all of a sudden estrogen’s at its peak. If you have any conflict you want to resolve with her, do it between like day two and day 12 of her cycle. She’s going to be so ready to handle any conflict with you between… Let me write that down. Day two and day 12. Day two? Like, literally, I had a dad come to me and tell me that he was struggling to understand his teenage daughter, and I said, „Well, do you know her cycle?“ And he’s like, „No, I don’t.“ I said, „Well, you would never ever bring a conflict to her on day 18 or 19 of her cycle. Bring it to her on day 10, and now she’s going to talk to you.“ I’m going to say something which is really embarrassing here. I know nothing about menstrual cycles. At no point in my life did anybody teach me about menstrual cycles. The only insight I have in my life to what a menstrual cycle is is overhearing my sister when I was younger talking about it. Yeah, and when I say overhearing, I mean maybe a sentence. And then maybe my girlfriend once in a while, she’ll say, „Oh, I’m coming into my cycle,“ or whatever. She’ll say, „I’m on my period.“ That’s, for most men, that’s, in fact, the extent of the education we have about the female reproductive menstrual cycles. Yeah, exactly. So, talk to me like I’m an idiot about the menstrual cycle. Yeah, how long is it? Oh, I love this. And do you know that most women don’t know? Oh, really? So, I mean, most women are ignorant to their own cycles. So, it’s 28 days, anywhere from 28 days to 32. Every woman has a different length. Okay, and what day does the period come on? Day one. So, day one is the first day she bleeds. Okay, then how long does that last for? What, seven days? Everyone’s different. Anywhere from three to seven days. Okay, so, they… You said between day two and twelve is when to pick my battles, yeah? So, day two, you’re gonna start to see her emerge a little more gregarious. She may be a little more outgoing. So, I mean, as you get closer to day twelve, you wanna go party with her. You wanna take her out, make her feel good. Like, that’s the time to wine and dine her. Okay, cool. We’ll put all the dates down. It never fights. And then after day twelve, what am I doing? Then after day… Well, okay, so day twelve is right when she’s ovulating. So, you’re gonna have to choose your battles there. But ovulation occurs for most women between day ten and day fifteen. There’s a small little five-day window there. That’s, if this is the one, once I figured this out, I was like, „Why don’t men know this?“ That’s when she’s gonna be her libido is going to be the highest. Okay, so we’re having sex, yes. So, if you wanna have sex with her, let’s write this down. Yeah, have sex with her around that time. Around that time, she’s willing. Yeah, she’s gonna be more motivated because she has testosterone. She’s gonna feel more like it. Okay. Then, after she finishes ovulating, after day fifteen, yeah. So then, there’s going to be a crash of hormones. You might see a change in her personality. She might feel a little low. So, just go stay in a hotel, but you could ask. So, like, if she’s having a bummer day or a low day, ask her, „Do you know what day of her cycle are you on?“ Be really nice. Be really nice. And here’s the gold. Here’s gold. This is so good. You’re gonna have to report back to me how this works. Okay. Uh, when around day seventeen or eighteen, progesterone’s coming in. This is where you got to give her foot rubs. You gotta be extra special and cater to her like she’s the queen that she deserves to be. Okay? So, all my compliments, that’s where I pull out the notepad. But what you need to know is, she’s probably gonna be like, if you’re like, „Oh, you look so beautiful today,“ she might, at that time, be like, „No, I feel horrible. I’m bloated. I don’t feel beautiful.“ But I should disagree. I should say, „No, you–no, you–you’re–no, you don’t–you look amazing.“ Okay, cool. And you do that until she bleeds, and you can take amazing care of her in the back, the week before her period, and you will get kudos like you can’t even imagine, and then start it all over again. And then start it all over again. Yeah, I mean, just once you understand our patterns, and it also helps you understand that we’re gonna be more outgoing in the front half of our cycle. We’re gonna be more introverted in the back half. What about men, you guys? Every 15 minutes, you’re pretty–you’re pretty black and white, really? Yeah, you’re pretty straightforward. So, if she was asking you the same question about me, would you say anything to her about my hormone cycles at all? You’d–you just say… It depends on the issue at hand. So, if it’s a mismatch of libido, then the best time to have sex with a woman is during ovulation. Okay, because she has the most amount of testosterone. Day 10 to 15. Yeah, it would be really handy, wouldn’t it, just to have a little menstrual cycle chart on the wall at home? I know that sounds a bit strange, but just so I know what’s going on inside her body. The first time I discovered this, I started using an app called The Clue app, and it shows you in a circle. It kind of shows a little cloud, and then it shows you where PMS kicks in, and it actually has a button that you can share it with people in your life. And I thought, not only does my husband need this, but my staff needs this. They need to understand where I’m going. And what if all the women on my team actually shared it with each other, and we could see where each other was at in their menstrual cycle? We would understand why a woman’s moods can be so up and down. It’s really… You know, it’s because of these three hormones. Our moods are much more volatile than yours. You guys are pretty steady, Eddie. We’re… I mean, this is general. You know, this is… I hate to be sexist in this conversation, but this is hormones and the way they work. It’s actually really helpful to know this, because without this insight, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of just assuming your partner is moody or that they have mood swings or that they’re, you know, people say things like they’re too emotional or they’re whatever it might be. But with this, I actually think it creates a ton of empathy. Yeah, that’s certainly the reaction that I get from hearing that there’s a significant hormone fluctuations in my partner and they happen at certain periods. It actually now would change my behavior, the way that I receive certain times where I come home or I notice that my partner’s just different. And it almost… It catches me off guard sometimes. I’ve actually… We’ve spoken a lot about this and we’re very open. We’re very much the same person in terms of our willingness to talk about everything and very difficult things as well. Yeah. And there will be times where I come home or we go through a patch where just a week, things are making her upset, which wouldn’t normally make her upset. Just tiny things that I’m doing and I go, „What? That’s it?“ You know, so see if you can track that to a certain part of her cycle. Oh, I’m kidding. Like the week before her period, we’re pretty irritable and every time I say that, men go, „Well, you said it. I didn’t say it.“ Well, but that’s because progesterone, you know, we’re meant to be more inner. We’re meant to sit on the couch. We’re also meant, believe it or not, glucose goes higher the week before our period. So we crave carbs. There’s a reason we crave carbs because we need to bring glucose up to be able to make progesterone. So we crave carbs. We’re irritable. We don’t want a lot of cortisol. So generally, we’re a little bit slower. We don’t want to, you know, we don’t have the desire to push through stress and push through exercise. And so we’re gonna be, we’re different that week. So if you come up and you just put your hand on our shoulder and you’re like, „I love you. You’re amazing. I’m here if you need anything.“ That’s all you gotta do. But if you’re trying to resolve a big conflict or you’re trying to come at us in too aggressive a way, we will shut down the week before our periods. So interesting. Whereas if you have something you want to resolve with us, make sure estrogen’s there because estrogen makes us great verbal, our verbal skills are incredible when estrogens run. Ask any menopausal woman, she’ll tell you what it’s like when she loses estrogen. And I have to say, this is because women have this incredible power to create life, yeah? Yeah. Women are superheroes for being able to carry a baby for significant amounts of time and then give birth to this baby. It’s just the most magical thing that I can think of in existence. And women have that superpower. And with that, comes this cycle. Yeah. So it’s a wonderful thing. It’s beautiful. And in the book, I called it the manifestation phase. Ovulation, because when all of those hormones come in, we can manifest anything we want. But it’s not just a baby. This is a great time. Ovulation is an amazing time to start a new business project. Interesting. It’s a great time. Like, as an author, like, I’m gonna write during those five days because my creativity is going to be at its peak. So we’re highly creative. If you want to, like, you know, talk about something about life and how to create something with us, do it during ovulation. Your husband, behind that wall here in my home, and just is he aware of your menstrual cycle? He is until I started to lose it. I’m 53, so I’m starting to go. But yeah, we talk like this all the time. And the way I like to take ownership over my hormonal moods, so I will say to him after a long day of work, I will say, „Hey, it’s been a testosterone-driven day for me. I don’t feel like I have a lot of estrogen right now. I can’t handle a lot of stress. I’m gonna need to just take some time to myself.“ We literally talk like that.